k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
