It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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