He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
