walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
COCAINE IS GR8
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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