Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
try to milk me bitch
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