So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize