I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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