If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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