I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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