it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
