I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
