He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
