That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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