I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
