I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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