I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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