And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
