so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
