Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
