I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
