Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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