god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love accidental penises.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
