Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
