I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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