Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
