remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
