all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
