he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
