if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
