she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
