Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
