So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
