wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
