my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
