Your face is a jimmy john
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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