well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
