Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
