awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
