He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize