Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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