My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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