I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
