i don't like sucking hair
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
