dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Two words: nipple clamps
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