i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
