it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
