Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
