Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't deserve a penis
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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