I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
