I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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