Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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