HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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