we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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