Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
