from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
