my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
