Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
