I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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