this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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