What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
