i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
