i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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