Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
