I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
