How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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