Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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