just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
