oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
