I'm so fucking centered right now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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