so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Small penises have feelings too.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
