I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
