i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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