Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
